Crossing fingers and toes!

I'm hoping that the shenenigans with my home computer are over. For now, at least. *crosses fingers* It seems to be working now.

I like being able to bring home a small to-do list every night of stuff I want to get done. It's much more manageable than having a huge, long to-do list staring at you every day. So each day during work, I write 3-5 tasks on a Post-It and cross them off during the evening. I try to get them done before I get settled on my bed with a book or in front of a TV. Especially stuff like laundry - throw it in immediately when I get home from work, that way I can get it dried and hung up before bedtime.

My college roommate and I had a long (almost 2 hour!) talk last night, just catching up. We discussed how we're both trying to eat more "whole foods"...as in, no processed stuff. Or if you buy something in the store, it's ingredient list is short and you actually can tell what the words are. I told her how I try to cook more now and we're both lucky that we have boyfriends who don't really care what we put in front of them. As long as Matt doesn't have to cook it, he's fine with whatever is served. I slowly have been trying new recipes and subbing healthier options in for things I used to eat. When I made Matt his birthday French toast breakfast, I used whole grain eco-friendly bread with natural peanut butter, and only drizzled a small amount of the sugar-free syrup we got. (I could have gotten the pure maple syrup, but that stuff has about 40-50 grams of sugar tablespoon. Since I'm sensitive to sugar, I decided it was best to go with the fake stuff in this instance, haha.)

Pretty soon, I'll be posting about next month's resolutions and goals and I will also be doing a reflective look back on the past month.

They say it's your birthday...

Today is Matt's birthday, so the weekend has been full of plans. Did his annual birthday trip to BD's Mongolian BBQ, then actually skipped out on the movie. We took my baby sister to the local gamer shop, where they played some kind of board game while I caught up with friends. Today I fixed French toast for his birthday breakfast (even after he smashed my foot with a computer chair)...Texas toast and syrup for him, and whole grain bread with peanut butter for me...then my parents had him over for a big birthday dinner. He did good on the presents haul, haha, and then when we dropped a load of garage sale stuff at my grandma's, she gave him a printer!

This next week will be my last week of "Energize" month, and then we'll be heading into new October resolutions! =)

Thank George It's Friday!

I'm really tired of my home computer not working 3/4 of every month. And for some reason, it's just me. Whenever I take it to my boyfriend to look at, or even my friend's boyfriend to look at...it's fine. They think I'm making up these problems. So Matt may actually buy mine off me which would give me enough money to buy a small refurbished Netbook. So with my computer not working the past week, and being too busy at work to blog beforehand, I've fallen behind in blog-ville. Cue the tiny violins...

I managed to eat pretty healthy this week though and have been trying to be active. I've been majorly working on my to-do list, and hope to get some more accomplished this weekend - we are having a garage sale the first weekend of October, so I have to pull all my piles from my old closet at my parents house and mark them for the sale. Hopefully will get some dolla dollar bills y'all!

I'm not dead!

"I found that every single successful person I've ever spoken to had a turning point and the turning point was where they made a clear, specific, unequivocal decision that they were not going to live like this anymore. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50 and most never make it at all."

- Brian Tracy

(I am, once again, experiencing technical difficulties. My home computer is being funky and I haven't been able to boot it up all week, hence the lack of blogging.)

From Post Secret.

Not a perfect kind of happy...

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

The Sound of Silence

*Unrelated note: I was out sick yesterday, so therefore, no blog post. I thought about posting something really quick yesterday to stick with the whole “blogging daily” resolution, but decided to just stay in bed. That decision made me happy, and as this is a happiness project, I stand behind it. =P

I kind of debated posting about this, but I decided to anyway…blogs are supposed to be about sharing yourself, having an outlet. Beginning a happiness project is a big step for me, in many ways. First off, as I mentioned in a previous post, putting yourself out there is a step all in itself. Secondly, being happy on a day-to-day basis is difficult for me. In my sophomore year of college, I was diagnosed with clinical depression.

Depression is a difficult thing to talk about. It’s even more difficult for people who do not suffer from depression to understand it. I remember after I went to the doctor, was prescribed anti-depressants, and started going to a therapist, my dad asked me why I was depressed and needed to go on anti-depressants. I remember replying, “I don’t know, I just am,” and walking away. It was extremely difficult for me to talk to my parents about it. I think a lot of it was that I was 19 years old, and still saw them as parents, and not necessarily as people to confide in. And I definitely know that part of it was that I was ashamed in breaking down and finally having to ask for help in something I couldn’t handle on my own.

Somewhere along the line in life, I had gotten it into my head that I needed to be on top of everything, all the time. I was the responsible student in school that teachers always paired with the “problem kids," because they knew that with me, projects would get done. I was the oldest child at home, and therefore, had more responsibilities. When my dad was deployed after 9/11, I became the second parent at 17 years old. I signed permission slips for my sisters, I would walk past my mom glued to the news on TV with a laundry basket on my hip, and I would do my homework in the kitchen so I could help out with dinner. I was the responsible, dependable one, and I always felt that I had to shoulder my own burdens, as well as everyone else’s. (Deployment was hard on all of us, and I've never blamed my mom or even been upset for taking more responsibility when my dad was gone. I just wish we all would have been able to talk more during those times, because I think we were all upset, but trying too hard to stay strong for each other. This resulted in all of us having a more difficult time with it.) Let me clarify that no one told me this is how it had to be, it’s just how I felt. Looking back, I know that if I would have gone up to someone and asked for help, they would have given it. Because if you fast-forward to me at 19, breaking down after Thanksgiving break because the thought of driving back to college and spending one more second there made it hard for me to breathe, my parents stepped in and everything came down. I still have the emails they sent me the rest of the semester: my dad checking in on me every day, my mom asking me to tell her what was wrong.

It was still hard to talk to them though. When I told my dad, “I don’t know, I just am,” I knew how I felt, but I didn’t know how to tell him that. I didn’t know how to tell my parents that I literally could not find the strength to just get out of bed in the morning. How the second I passed the “Welcome to Columbia” sign of my alma mater, my stomach clenched and this drowning feeling came over me. How I was barely getting by in school because when I went to class, the words just swam in front of me as I fought back tears every day. How the one thing in the entire world that I wanted was to just go home.

Over Christmas break, when I started therapy and medication, I sat down with my mom and dad to discuss options, because I didn’t want to go back to school; I wanted to transfer back to the college in my hometown. Telling me it was my choice and they would support whatever I decided to do lifted so much off my shoulders. Just hearing that I could make that decision if I wanted to relieved me so much that I ended up staying at my current university, because I was able to choose to stay there. That was the first thing that saved me. The second was my roommate. I will tell you that it is the hardest thing in the world to be depressed and share a 13x13 room with another person. Emily Ann would literally walk into the room when I was laying in bed, throw on the light, and say, “Ok, you’re going to the movies with us. Put some damn clothes on.” Or, “No, you can’t skip Krysta’s holiday party, you’re coming. Put some damn clothes on.” And my favorite, “I swear to God, if I hear Sound of Silence one more time, I’m throwing your laptop out the window. And God, put some damn clothes on!” (Not that I was running around depressed and naked or anything, I was just living in pajamas.) Once I was out of my room and around my friends, I felt above water again for a little while…but the second I stepped back in my dorm room, I was instantly dragged down into the drowning feeling again.

I never had one lightning bolt that zapped me back into being ok again. It was a bunch of little things, one thing at a time. I went to 6 therapy sessions, and then felt ok enough to stop. I was on Zoloft for 6 months, and hated the way I felt on it, so I took myself off. I switched majors, Emily Ann and I moved off-campus into an apartment, I got a job, and became more involved with campus activities. And slowly, little by little, I stopped drowning.

The thing about depression though is, it never goes away. It’s not something you can “cure.” It’s always there, in the back of my mind, and when I get too stressed out or overwhelmed, I can feel the waves gently lapping around my ankles, threatening to pull me back under again. People who have never struggled with depression don't know what it feels like. They just think you are really sad...I cannot even describe the complete hopelessness and utter defeat you feel during depression. How much it feels like drowning.  I remember when my best friend told me she had been diagnosed with depression and explained the exact same sensation. I’m not crazy, I remember thinking, this drowning feeling is real. My therapist had me bring in my old journals one session, and I sat and went through all of them and realized this went back further than I thought. I was depressed in high school, just didn’t know how to vocalize it or understand what it was.

Fast forward to today…I’ve slipped back down a few times since college. Right after graduating, adjusting back to living with my parents, having no friends left in my hometown, and looking for a job was very difficult. Then enter my relationship with Matt. He also struggles with depression, and has had a very difficult life, so us trying to make a relationship work at first without communicating anything was like mixing oil and water. We broke up for about 4 months and got back together (obviously), but the breakup was extremely hard on me, as was the memories of how he was last year compared to the amazing person he’s become this year. So there has been a lot of struggle, but I think we are finally getting to a point where everything is more settled. I’ve started talking to my parents more. I cannot expect them to know what I am thinking or feeling if I don’t tell them. And time after time, they’ve surprised me by rallying behind me when I finally get up the nerve to discuss something hard with them. So every talk gets a little bit easier. In my opinion, I’ve changed a lot over the past year, and am constantly trying to figure myself out and be happy with that. Enter the bHappy Project, where I wanted to start improving my life little by little and making it a goal to be happy on a day-to-day basis. That’s a little difficult for someone prone to depression, but I have never wanted to be someone who let themselves fall back into that place and stay there. It’s too hard. Happiness is even harder, but the outcome is better.

Trying to sneak into the food blogging world...

My work snack.

I finally found Peanut Butter & Co! (The health food section at Hy-Vee.) I chose the Dark Chocolate Dreams, because as much as I love white chocolate, the White Chocolate Wonderful does not appeal to me as a peanut butter option. So, true opinion here: I love peanut butter. And I freaking love chocolate. Together, as in a Reese's Pieces, it's my favorite taste combination ever. But this? After weeks of searching for it and seeing it on countless blogs, I was a little let-down. I much prefer the standard peanut butter taste with my fruit. I'm looking forward to using it other ways (with oatmeal, etc.), but as of right now, I'm a little let down. Oh well, it's not horrible.

I've slowly been collecting recipes and health tips from blogs the past few months, and I'm trying out my first one...Oats in a Jar! The idea is to take jars of peanut butter (or other nut spreads) and use the almost empty jar as a way to eat your oatmeal. This way, you can use up the stuff sticking to the sides of the jar, and also not have to wash a dish!

My OIAJ.

Mine was plain oats, a splash of almond milk, sliced banana, and some cacao nibs sprinkled on top. Very tasty! Only downside is that I wasn't planning on doing this until I was mostly through with my jar of Skippy Natural, so there isn't much left in the jar. =/ Boo.

 Oh...and OIAJ for dinner? Well, I woke up this morning around 5:30 with horrible stomach pains, and debating going into work because I felt so sick. I cowboy'd up and went in, but nothing has really sounded good all day. I managed to choke down a couple bananas and some green tea once I got to work, and then splurged a little and got some tomato basil soup from Jason's Deli. Tonight, oatmeal was the only thing that really sounded good. I also am planning Food Blog Staple #3 tonight and attempting banana "soft serve" with my new food processor. We'll see how it goes!

Organization continued...

Once I get going, I don't stop!

Dropped my car off for repairs (my boyfriend's roommate backed into it last week), transferred and re-filled a prescription, did all the grocery shopping, made dinner PLUS a couple sets of stir-frys to portion out into lunches for the week, uploaded the pictures from my camera to the computer, and ran by the library.

Health-wise, this weekend was kind of a bust. We only ate out once though, which is good, and it was just for a snack. Otherwise, I fixed dinner Friday night (two veggie sides and pigs in a blanket), went to the Tattoo Party Saturday and ate potluck food, then had leftovers on Sunday, plus my now-Matt's-absolute-favorite toasted mozzarella & tomato sandwiches. Not TOO bad on paper, the thing that made it bad was the two pieces of leftover pumpkin cheesecake I consumed, in addition to a piece of spice cake at the potluck and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs last night. SHEESH. I hopped right back up on the wagon today though! Bananas and peanut butter for breakfast, toasted sandwich for lunch, apple and peanut butter for snack, and veggie stir-fry over brown rice for dinner. I'm pleasantly full, but not stuffed.

I already have a to-do list working for this week, in addition to completing my major to-do list for the month that I shall post at some point this week...

On being you...

"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are." 
- Rachel Naomi Remen

Weekend check-in...

Didn't have internet access yesterday. Boo.

Today was spent at a friend's parent's house, where the boyfriend got his first tattoo. This guy has been featured on the Discovery Channel and tattoos for two weeks every year at Sturgis. He's moving back north next month, and we decided to have a "Tattoo Party" where we would spend all day drinking, eating, and having people line up to get tattooed. This was Matt's birthday present, so I saved up money all summer for it...he's pretty excited about it, and I think it looks great. Of course, I'm dating a geeky gamer, so he got the logo of his favorite comic book character tattooed on his left shoulder blade. He was a trooper though...it was big for his first tattoo, and took about 2 and a half hours total (breaks included).

I broke into the cooking arena this week! Made my first stir-fry for dinner (which also yielded enough for awesome leftovers the next day) and it was delicious! Zucchini and squash with freshly ground pepper and sea salt, and dried basil, then when that was almost done cooking, layered tomato slices on top of the mixture and sprinkled shredded Havarti cheese on top. Served it over brown rice, which I think I didn't cook long enough because it was a little hard. Oh well, couldn't be Bobby Flay my first time out in the kitchen, but it was edible and I found it delicious!

I was also able to get a lot done this past week, which I've noticed always puts me in a great mood. When I'm productive and efficient, I'm always happier. Got the rest of my stuff unpacked, organized the hall closet, was able to put away all my kitchen stuff, and did a bunch of random errands.

I'm feeling good about next week!

"I am the Alpha Bear! Grrr! Grrr! Bears say 'grrr,' right?"

Today's Note from the Universe:

People who give, Barbara, are given to.

People who care, are cared for.

And people who love... age slower, run faster, jump higher, eat healthier, tend to live in cottages, are as happy with friends as they are alone, climb more trees, skip when they could walk, kiss when they could talk, take the odd Friday off, experience faster manifestations, and are really popular with animals.

And you're just the sort, Barbara, we'd expect to find with lots of friends, in a tree, on an island you named after your last squirrel.

Love, baby -
The Universe

The Great Vegetarian Debate

So, I went to the doctor for a check-up and discussed becoming a vegetarian and the running program I want to start.

Here is basically what she had to say: while she has nothing against vegetarians, I shouldn't have my heart set on being a vegetarian for the rest of my life. As I mentioned in a previous post, my body can sometimes overload on sugar, and I have to go on a detox diet of strictly meat and vegetables, cutting out all grains, sugar (including fruit!), etc. I gradually re-introduce these all back into my diet, but the point is: she said I shouldn't be hard on myself for not being a strict no-meat-ever-vegetarian. That I need to accept that occasionally, I have to eat meat for my health and body and to keep my system in check...and that it may not be a bad idea to do that for 4-5 days every month anyway, and just be vegetarian the rest of the month. Or eat meat every once in a while when I am at someone's house or out, but follow a vegetarian diet during the week when I am cooking for myself. That was the food/health part of it. The other part was starting a running regimen - while she agreed that it's a good idea and a great way to stay in shape, running is hard on the body and since I have had foot surgery, may be difficult for me to do several times a week. What I call my "surgery foot" does not bend as easily as my other, and is very sensitive to temperature changes. Swells when it starts getting warm, and grows frigid and stiff when it starts cooling down. I noticed at the gym last week on the treadmill that it actually started to go numb after a while, forcing me to slow down and stretch it out.

So all in all, I was prepared to leave her office very depressed. Basically, having this grand "get healthy" plan for myself, just to have someone in the medical field tell me not to do it. I love my doctor though (ok, technically, she's a nurse practitioner, but I adore her...she's amazing) for this reason: at the end of her speech, she basically said the following: "This is not to discourage you. This is to remind you what your limitations are, and some things you need to watch. That does not mean you cannot do this though. You can eat healthy and be a flexitarian (someone who follows an 80% vegetarian lifestyle, and eats meat maybe 20% of the time), and still make conscious choices about what you're putting in your mouth. And you can exercise and get fit. You just are going to have to do it differently. And there is no right or wrong way to do anything, and there is no one way that is going to work for everyone."

I basically wanted to hug her at this point. So the gist of this whole thing? I need to do what is best for me and my body, and not worry about what I can't do. Yes, I love animals and am horrified at the mis-treatment of the animals that become our food. I also feel a lot of our food is prepared in un-sanitary conditions. I also cannot mistreat myself. So I may eat meat when I feel like it (probably not during the week when I'm cooking for myself), and I need to feel ok with that. (Not to mention that all of the vegetarian books I've been reading the last two weeks advised new veggies to do it gradually, not cold-turkey as I did. Whoops.) And I would love to become a "runner," but if I am going to hurt myself in the process, it's not worth it. I can go walking, or do yoga, or do low-impact cardio and strength machines at the gym. I will get the same result. The goal of this project (and more specifically this month) is to be healthier. I am already exercising more than I usually do. And eating FAR more healthier than I usually do. So why strive to be perfect at both of these resolutions, when instead, I can just do what is best for me?

And she's back!

Blogger was giving me errors all weekend...even the post I made about all the errors took me a few tries to post. Very frustating!

Project updates:
- Have not worked out since Thursday night. Yikes. However, I feel many calories were burned chasing my boyfriend's daughter around on Labor Day. And power-walking through my 3 hours of post-work errands this evening.
- Speaking of errands, got a LOT done organization-wise this evening. Finally bit the bullet and went lamp-shopping for my room (which has only one dim light in front of the closet.) Found a nice floor lamp on clearance for $9, and a really cute table lamp on clearance for $11. Each lamp is going in opposite corners of my room, and now, I finally had enough light to go through the huge stack of vegetarian cookbooks by my bed that were about to be overdue at the library.
- Grabbed this week's groceries, including the ingredients to make a stir-fry tomorrow night for dinner. I had to pull myself away from the cooler of hummus, as I am now obsessed. I will limit myself to trying only one new kind per week, then keep mental notes of my favorites. This week? Athenos brand of Greek-style hummus made with olive oil. Yum!
- Tomorrow marks the last day of my Gold's Gym trial. I'll be talking to my trainer about a possible short-term membership. I forget if I've mentioned this before or not, but I found out I get a "get fit" discount through my company, so I could actually get a very affordable membership.

Houston, we have a problem...

So I have run into errors and technical issues with Blogger ALL weekend. I'm hoping it will be fixed in a couple days, so that I can continue posting. Not only has it not let me post, but it has also eaten the saved drafts I had of this weekend's posts.

Just FYI...

Because these things will change, can you feel it now?

From Notes from the Universe:

The ease of change, Barbara, is directly proportional to one's willingness to reconsider what's best for themselves. Because when change comes it always means there's something better.

I say let it be easy -
        The Universe

Ode to Bananas

(So, Blogger apparently hates the bHappy project because when I tried to post yesterday, I kept getting an error about a "technical glitch" and they were sorry for any inconvenience. Pfft...you weren't sorry Blogger! Anyway, this is yesterday's (Friday's) post. I will update again later today for a proper Saturday post.)

I used to hate bananas. Actually, hate is too kind of word. Loathe would be more appropriate. My mom hates when we talk about the role bananas played in our childhood, because as we tell, she would climb on top of the dinner table and physically shove them down our throats. Which totally happened...ok, I'm kidding...sort of. I did grow up with bananas pretty much every night for dinner. My mom thinks they are "the Jesus of fruits," as my sisters and I put it, and we were each given one with dinner. A lot of times, these were not the bright, golden bananas of Dole commercials, but brown-spotted almost-ready-for-banana-bread ones. I understand that when you're raising three kids, throwing out ripened bananas probably is not very cost-affective. They're 69 cents/lb. though today. I'm sure they were even cheaper back in the 90's.

"Just cut out the bruises," she'd say as we sat there staring at our bruised banana, while dad gulped down his as well. When I was in high school, I finally had enough gumption to tell her that I would officially not be accepting bananas as my required side of fruit for dinner, that I would find something else. So I would then eat pineapple, pears, applesauce, etc., and for years afterwards, the smell of a banana would make me gag.

Enter the healthy living blog community. You know how many bananas these people pack away? Bananas are in everything! Breads, vegan overnight oats, banana "soft serve," etc. I decided to be brave, and try one. I selected a very bright yellow, perfectly un-blemished banana and decided to try it on my way to my hometown one weekend. I remember the text exchange with my boyfriend after I did:

Me: GUESS WHAT I JUST DID?
Matt: Lol, what?
Me: I ATE A BANANA!
Matt: Yay baby, I'm proud of you!
Me: AND I LIKED IT.
Matt: Haha, see, they're not bad. =P

I also called my mom at work to tell her the good news. Since then, I've eaten 1-2 bananas for breakfast, usually supplemented with an apple. I have run into problems though. My banana has to be slightly under-ripe. Once they start developing brown spots, turn soft, and have bruises, I will gag upon opening them. I still can't stand to get the little "strings" inside on my fingers, or the banana to mush on my hand at all.

It's a work in progress, people.

Let's get physical, physical!

One of the things going around the "healthy living" blogging community is posting a sweaty picture of yourself post-workout. Gotta be proud of the sweat and red, shiny faces! So here's mine. =)

Tonight's Workout:
- 20 minutes cardio on Arc Trainer
- 4 reps of 10 on leg press, set at 120 lbs.
- 10 curls at 35 lbs. on the bicep curl
- 20 minutes (1 mile) on the treadmill

The bicep curls were pitiful folks! I have no upper arm strength, and the only reason I had it set at 35 lbs. is because the pin wouldn't go all the way in to the 20 lbs. hole. Hehe. I managed (barely!) to make it through 10, although if I'm being honest, that last curl would probably only count as a half. Much different story on the leg press though! I have strong legs, and I set it a little lower than I could actually do so I wouldn't strain myself the first time using a leg press again. I loooooove the Arc Trainer. It's kind of like an elliptical, but smaller and more compact, and more mimics running. Shane (my trainer) had suggested I do most of my cardio on that since it's low-impact because of my foot. And he's right...after a while on the treadmill at the end, my foot was starting to swell and throb.

All in all, I kind of love getting all sweaty and feeling like I accomplished a lot, then coming home and treating myself to an icy shower. Ahhh....

Tag, I'm it!

I was tagged by my friend Kim to fill out a blog survey. So tonight's post is about getting to know me a bit!

1) What is your favorite song of the moment? Eminem's song with Rihanna, "Love the Way You Lie." I listen to it on repeat...I just love it.

2) Favorite Halloween Candy? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I'm actually really picky about candy. I don't like anything other than plain chocolate or chocolate/peanut butter mixtures.

3)If your life was a movie what genre would you want it to be? (Romance? Action? Sci-Fi?) Totally a Rom-Com. (Romantic Comedy)

4) Angel or Spike? (if you don't get this reference, that's okay I forgive you. Just put down Oz and we'll call it even!) I feel you shouldn't be friends with people who don't understand this reference, haha! And I'm a TOTAL Angel girl!

5) If you could be a cartoon character who would you be? Wow, is it sad that I'm totally drawing a blank on this one? For the life of me, I cannot think of one cartoon that I would want to be in.

6) Favorite Disney movie? The Little Mermaid, it's been my favorite my entire life! As a kid, I had the sleeping bag, night shirt, and full bed set.

7) Twitter or Facebook? Facebook, definitely. Twitter is fun, but doesn't hold my attention long. I also tend to skim most of it.

8) And finally, if you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life. Never mind the calories or anything, you can just have this one thing, what would it be? Bagels and Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Best snack ever.

Better watch me shine...

So now it's time to show
I'll prove I'm gonna be
The best I can be
- "Watch Me Shine," Joanna Pacitti

I'm writing this fresh out of my post-workout shower. I actually loved  Gold's Gym. I went in thinking I'd take advantage of the free fitness evaluation and 7-day trial, then leave. I really, really liked it though. I love my personal trainer, Shane. He made me feel VERY comfortable (which is saying a lot, since he had to weigh me and measure me in yoga pants and a sports bra), understands what about fitness is most important to women (spoke about motivating yourself by hanging up your favorite cute shirt or something in a smaller size somewhere you can see it everyday before you work out), and really tailored my experience to what I was there for. We talked a lot about the foot surgery I had in college and how that would play into my fitness regimen. He said that when he makes a membership offer, they are only allowed to let you get that cheap rate for 24 hours, and they're supposed to offer it at the tour. He's letting me do the free trial and will offer it at the end so I'll have time to see if Gold's is really right for me. While I really like it and everything it offers, I won't sign up unless it truly fits into my budget. More on that in another post though...

Today is the first official day of the bHappy Project! Funnily enough, today has been a crummy day. Stressed at work, arguing with the boyfriend, and while I love the rain, it's not fun to run around in it all day in heels and a suit. Ah well. I actually loved being able to go to the gym, plug in my iPod, run for 25 minutes, then come home to a cold shower, tall glass of water, and banana.

Let's review the resolutions, shall we? Organize, Start Blog, and Healthy Body.

- Well, a big CHECK to start blog! I will be blogging daily throughout the project, and really want to be able to get creative with it. Pictures, quotes, different types of posts, etc.

- The second resolution is to organize. I really should have done this BEFORE I moved, but we won't spend time over details. I have too much stuff. Really, I shouldn't talk about how poor I am when I have two closets, an entire room of stuff, my walk-in closet at my parents' still full of stuff, and then about 8-12 boxes in my parents' storage unit. My Oma just told me she is having a garage sale the first weekend in October, so this is perfect for having the entire month to clean out, get rid of stuff, and prepare everything for either Goodwill or the garage sale. Part of organizing is to prepare a to-do list that I will be compiling this week of random things that I keep meaning to do, but just "haven't gotten around to." They get done this month. Period.

- Healthy body! So far, I've been doing great on the inside part of this. I became a vegetarian almost 2 weeks ago, and haven't had meat since. I actually discussed this with my mom, dad, and Matt over dinner this weekend. My mom told me it's ok if I want to permanently give up meat, but it's ok if I change my mind too. That's good to hear, because sometimes when you make a big declaration like "I'm no longer eating meat!" it's hard to come back from that if you change your mind. I still feel a lot of meat is unhealthy, but I also have a condition where I can overload on sugar far too easily and it causes problems with my body. When I start showing symptoms, I go on a no-bread, no-sugar diet. Which excludes fruit too. So basically, all I eat is plain meat and veggies for a week to detox and get my system back in check. You know how hard it will be if this happens and I can only survive on veggies? I'm sure that's healthier, and do-able, but I would be miserable. And I am not going to pretend like I won't be. So yes, I'm trying vegetarianism. Right now, it's working for me. If I decide that eventually, it's not for me, or my body needs something different, I will make changes and there's no reason I cannot still be healthy with those changes. Whole Foods regularly has grass-fed beef on sale. So if I'm going to eat meat every once in a while, I can have humanely grown and killed cows that were fed on grass and not given growth hormones or antibiotics. Much healthier, and I feel like my animal-loving karma is still in tact. Whew, that was a long wind on that. In short, my conversation with my parents just vocalized what I know, but needed someone to tell me: these decisions are mine to make, and just as easily mine to change. Otherwise, I'm eating much better now. Fruit every morning for breakfast, veggies or whole-grain toast with hummus and tomato paste for lunch, similar dinner or eggs, etc. I took my "hot pot" to work so that I can boil water at my desk for green tea...I'm giving up all beverages other than tea and water. If I have something like tea to drink at work, I won't be tempted to go for the free coffee they have freshly brewed all throughout the day. Now to the outside part of healthy body: I hesitate to make a fitness plan this week until I decide what I am doing about Gold's Gym. However, regardless of what I specifically do after that decision, I want three workouts during the week, and at least one kind of exercise on the weekend while I'm visiting my boyfriend/family, i.e., 30-minute walk, run on my parents' treadmill, etc.

So that's the plan folks! I know this first month is going to be a little boring probably since it's just kind of dipping my toe into the project, but hopefully, I can keep posts different and fresh. Believe me, the resolutions I have for other months require a lot more work and a lot more "putting myself out there." I'm excited to get started!